Today

Today I stood in our backyard.. a midst the blooming flowers swaying.
The rays of the sun felt warm on my skin. The strong breeze, felt cool. I felt both.
Everything felt...and seemed to me, like it could be from a surreal movie..
I wasn't alone.. I could hear people doing their routines.. I could see my dog playing..
but I felt alone, not lonely, alone.. on purpose.. I like being alone with my thoughts sometimes..
As I stood there, consumed in my own little world.. I thought of my fears..
I thought of my fear of heights..I thought of my fear of enclosed spaces..
the fear of creepy crawlies.. the fear of small things... and then..
I sat down... I curled into a ball and hid my face... and thought of you...
the fears washed away.. little by little... and a stronger fear consumed me..
I fear of not being what you want anymore.. I fear of not seeing you..
I fear of not being your happiness anymore.. when you still are mine...
I fear of you not being by my side... I fear of losing you the most...